25 September 2008

Funny Stuff.



Posted from Craigslist.

Manly Bike for Sale
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 765370039


I mentioned yesterday that the new bike is ordered. (that's not it, just a refrence)
That is the case. The parts should arrive tomorrow. Mine will be green rather than the slate blue on both of these. I'm getting a Surly Long Haul Trucker, and I'm really excited! It has wound up being slightly cheaper than I expected, but I haven't cut corners on parts. I've left some room for upgrading in the future depending on how I use it, but I think that the initial build will be rock solid. This is not the bike, but it is the same model. Note, I've put the geeeking out after the pictures, so skip it if you like. You've been warned.

I think I'm most excited on the wheels. They're going to be nothing particularly special, LX hubs with the alex rims that I really like. I'm going with 36 spokes, since I want to do touring. I'm also doing something funky with the shifters. I really hope I'll like it. I'm putting a STI lever on the right, but a bar end on the left. I'm a little afraid that the mis-matched levers will look goofy, but I think I'm really going to like the friction shifter for the front. I mostly use the rear, and STI levers are super-expensive. Even the Tiagra which I went with for the 9 speed. I've got a 9 sp mountain drivetrain right now, but I might switch the crank-set out for a road triple. I really wanted the super-low granny gear for now. it remains to be seen how much I'm going to be commuting and how much I'll be touring on this bike. (also, the difference between 48t and 53t on the big ring is not that huge)

24 September 2008

Banner Day!

Today has been notable in many respects!
Details to follow, suffice to say that my new bike has been ordered (well, the parts) and I may have a chance to ride it soon!